


Perfidious

by neocultvretechs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, nct 127, nct angst, nct smut, nct x reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 15:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18831475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neocultvretechs/pseuds/neocultvretechs
Summary: a modern parallel to books 3 and 4 of virgil’s epic poem, the aeneid. you could distinctly remember when taeyong crashed into your life and how he completely changed it.





	Perfidious

You can still distinctly remember the day that Lee Taeyong stumbled into your life.

Quite literally.

It was at one of Jaehyun’s parties. A party that you yourself initially had no intention of going to. After you found out that your boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend, you wanted nothing to do with the partying scene that you knew for a fact he loved so much. Instead, you chose to drown your sorrows in tubs of Ben and Jerrys’ and whatever sappy romance series you could find on Netflix. Your roommate, Johnny, let you be for a few weeks, but when it got to a point that you were screaming at the television that love wasn’t real, and that the one person who you think may love you will ultimately break your heart into tiny pieces and step on them, he knew he had to do something.

And by god, were you thankful for your best friend. Johnny knew when to step in and make you go out, to get back out there, into the dating scene. He refused to take ‘no’ for an answer as he forced you into your bedroom to put on your nicest clothes and come out with him to the party he was going to. Much to your annoyance, your roommate refused to listen to any complaint or protest you had, and he refused to let you out until you got changed into something other than your tracksuit bottoms and oversized sweater. You were thankful to Johnny for forcing you to do everything he did, and as much as you hated to admit it, he was right. You needed to get back out there if you were ever going to move on from your ex, despite the fact that you had sworn off men for the rest of your existence.

So- albeit begrudgingly- you changed out of the clothes you had been wearing for the previous weeks, and changed into a bralette and a pair of jeans. You applied your makeup skilfully and stood in front of your mirror. Your hair fell in gorgeous waves and the jeans you had on amplified both the curvature of your hips and your butt. Needless to say, you looked and felt like a million pounds. You opened your bedroom door and Johnny’s jaw dropped. You can’t remember the exact words he used, but what he said boosted your confidence through the roof.

The two of you walked though Jaehyun’s doors and you instantly felt the eyes of every man in the room on you, eyeballing you and all hyping each other up to go and talk to you. However, you didn’t take much notice of any of them. Despite your façade of pulchritude, you felt like crap on the inside.  A voice in your head kept repeating to you,  _none of these people are like your ex. They’ll never be as good as him. Why bother?_

You felt suffocated by the sheer amount of people packed into Jaehyun’s house at the time, and so you made your way out to the garden, desperately trying to search for someone you knew other than Johnny so he could take you home. You wanted to be under the covers of your blanket watching Netflix, not here, surrounded by people who were too drunk or too high to function.

And then, as if whatever higher power there was rolling their eyes at your pitiful wallowing, Taeyong was pushed into your path, spilling his drink over your boots. You jump back on impulse, a huff escaping your lips as you realise that what he spilled on you got on your jeans.

“Do you want to watch where you’re going?” You snap at the boy, and instantly regret doing so when you see the expression of surprise on his face. That gorgeous face of his. Whoever created him definitely spent extra time on him. High cheekbones, sharp, expressive eyes and straight brows, you couldn’t help but let your heart flutter. He looks down at your shoes and runs a hand through his jet-black locks.

“I’m so sorry.” Is all he said. You bite your lip and look down, a pang of guilt reverberating through your chest at his own guilt-ridden expression.

“I-I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t’ve shouted, I’m going through a lot and just happened to snap at you.” an awkward silence descends between you two. You could hear J. Cole blasting through the speakers of Jaehyun’s living room, the soft  _boom_ of the bass pounding in your chest. He looks you over with those gorgeous eyes of his and gives a small smile.

“I’m Y/N,” You introduce yourself and stick out your hand. He looks shocked initially, then takes your cold hand in his warm one.

“Taeyong.” You shake his hand and you feel your cheeks heat up even at such a simple gesture as shaking his hand. He really was stunning. He looks at you quizzically, making you avert your gaze when you realise that you had been staring at him for more than what was appropriate.

“I’m guessing this isn’t your scene.” You look up at him. He was dressed simply; a designer jacket over pair of black ripped jeans and a red tee paired with some combat boots. You shrug a little at him and scratch the back of your head, debating whether or not you should open your heart to the man stood in front of you.

“I’ve just gotten out of a long relationship, so I’m kind of new to the whole ‘party’ thing. I was never single at the parties I’d been to.” You weren’t sure why you were suddenly unloading all of your emotional baggage onto this boy you’d only known for mere minutes. Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, or maybe it was this man’s ability to make you feel so comfortable around him, but you found yourself telling him your story.

And, much to your surprise, he listened. He kept quiet throughout most of the conversation, only contributing when there appeared to be a lull in your talking. You and him spent the whole night talking. About anything and everything under the clear skies. You found your gaze being attracted to the sky, to the lighter patches of faint and bold light that blended together in the sky to form the constellations that you had spent so much time gazing at when you were younger. The breeze blew warm gusts around the two of you, but still managed to rouse goosebumps on your skin. Your arms wrapped around yourself, a fruitless attempt to warm yourself up against the breeze. The boy notices your slight shivering and immediately takes off his jacket.

“You seem like you need it more than I do at the moment.” You feel your cheeks heat up when he takes off his jacket and wraps it around you. It smells like him, intoxicating. You feed your arms through the sleeves of the jacket, pushing up the sleeves to expose your hands. You thank him for the jacket and he flashes a smile so gorgeous that it makes you go weak at the knees. He walks you over to the lawn chairs that Jaehyun has towards the end of his garden and you two sit down. Away from the soft glow of the house lights. Taeyong’s features were illuminated in the white moonlight, bouncing off of his perfect skin in all the right places. He looks back at you and you immediately avert your gaze. The soft pounding of the bass from the house still reverberates through your chest as you force your gaze back up to Taeyong.

He smiles at you and slowly moves his face closer to yours. You could smell the alcohol on his breath, mixed with a mint. Every voice in your body was screaming out for him. You needed to feel him. You needed his touch, to run your fingers through his hair and feel your lips against his. His intense eyes wandered downwards to your lips, silently asking for permission to kiss you.

Then you hear Jaehyun and his friend, whose name you believe is Lucas, calling out your name. You break the eye contact you had with Taeyong to go and see what it was that they wanted. You could feel Taeyong trailing behind you, clearly interested in what was going on. You tap Jaehyun on the shoulder and he whips around to face you, not before acknowledging Taeyong’s presence with a nod in his direction, and a cheeky smirk at you.

“Is there a problem, Jae?” You ask him.

“Um… Kind of? It depends on what you think.” He scratches the back of his head. Your brows furrow, and Jaehyun shifts uncomfortably.

“Does Yoongi being here- drunk off his ass- picking fights with Johnny sound like a big problem?” Your eyes go wide and your hands begin to shake despite the warmth that Taeyong’s jacket was offering you. Then, as if on cue, your ex-boyfriend bursts through the back door, followed by Johnny. He wasn’t walking straight, and his normally kempt brown hair was dishevelled and tousled. There were evident bags under his eyes from the sleepless nights he’d endured, and his skin had lost that gorgeous glow he was known for. His eyes met yours and you were filled with a sense of dread. Jaehyun and Lucas both noticed your staring and turned to see what it was that you were looking at.

“Yoongi.” Lucas stands in front of you, shielding you from the terrifying gaze of the man who broke your heart. Lucas has some height on Yoongi, but that doesn’t stop the shorter man from trying to push past and get to you. A frustrated grunt leaves Yoongi when he realises Lucas isn’t going to give you up so easily.

“Out of my way, Lucas. I need to speak to my girlfriend.” You freeze when he calls you his girlfriend and your terrified eyes flit to Taeyong. His expression is unreadable and you feel a pulse of adrenaline course through your veins. Before you can say anything, Taeyong steps in.

“But she’s not your girlfriend anymore, is she?” Jaehyun, Yoongi, Johnny and the rest of the group that has gathered to watch this unfold turns to stare at Taeyong.

“She stopped being your girlfriend the moment you decided to sleep with her best friend.” Yoongi glares at Taeyong, something that doesn’t seem to affect him in the least. The kind, smiley Taeyong is nowhere to be seen under the man defending you. All of the humour that was once prevalent in his eyes had dissipated into cold anger.

“You have no right over her, she’s her own person. Especially after the shit you pulled. You didn’t realise what you had when you had it, and now that she’s gone, there’s nothing you can do about it.” Yoongi sways, the alcohol and whatever else that was in his system clearly taking its effect on him. There was a glazed look in his eye that sent pulses of adrenaline through your veins. He pushes past Jaehyun and Lucas, knocking you over in the process. Lucas extends his arm and wraps his hand around yours to stop you from faceplanting into the ground. He looks over you, silently asking if you’re okay, to which you respond with a shake of your head.

“Who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do?” Yoongi’s hands ball into fists and you see him raise his arm to punch Taeyong. You let out a shriek and Taeyong ducks out of the way of Yoongi’s punch, the follow-through of which sent him tumbling to the grass. He stood up quickly, brushing himself off. You looked down at his t-shirt, the mud and grass stains splattered on the previously spotless white tee. Overcome with a sudden swell of courage, you move towards Yoongi before your mind registers what you’re doing. He looks from Taeyong to you, a triumphant smirk on his face.

But then your hand connects with his cheek, the sound of the slap you gave him echoing through the silence, bar a few echoes of ‘ _oh shit’_  from the onlookers. Yoongi’s hand cups his cheek on the spot your blow had landed, and you feel a stinging on your palm, a feeling of satisfaction blooming in your chest at the shocked expression on his face.

“Who do you think you are, Yoongi?” You keep your voice low, threatening. Yoongi’s eyes fill with fear and resentment. He straightens and grabs your wrist. You grapple with him and wrench your wrist from his grasp.

“Do you think I’m that easy? That I’d come running back to you after you went behind my back to sleep with my best friend? It wasn’t even once, though. Was it? It was multiple times. God, I can’t believe you.”

“Y/N-” You silence him with a glare so intense he flinches away from you.

“I can’t believe I wasted three years of my life pining for you when you didn’t even care about my feelings. I never want to see you again.”

“I’m so sorry…” A bitter laugh escapes your lips. All of the anger and resentment you had towards him was bubbling up and threatening to escape in an ugly torrent of insults. You manage to maintain your cool exterior, trying so hard to keep your voice monotonous as you say:

“I don’t want to hear it, Yoongi. Leave me the hell alone. Get lost.” Johnny grabs Yoongi’s arm and drags him away. You turn away, unable to bear the sounds of Yoongi calling out your name. Within a few seconds the attention of the crowd that had gathered to watch the fight had dissipated and the volume on the speakers was back up to blasting, the bass reverberating through the house and pounding in your ears.

You finally give into your grief. One tear rolls down your cheek. Then two. Then they keep falling until you can’t stop them. And all the while, Taeyong sits with you. Allowing you to cry. He stroked your back caringly and ran his fingers through your hair. The gesture itself was so gentle and caring that it calmed you right down.

“T-Thank you, Taeyong.” He smiles at you and tilts your chin up to look at him.

“It’s nothing. I hate it when people cry, especially over someone so unworthy of their tears as Yoongi.” You let out a small laugh.

“There’s that gorgeous smile of yours.” He rubs your arm and you bury your face in his shoulder, trying to conceal the blush on your cheeks. He rests his chin on the top of your head and lets out a sigh. You had no idea how this boy had such an effect on you, but you found it intoxicating.

“Sorry to bother you guys…” You look up to see Johnny stood in front of you. “Taeyong, I think I should take Y/N home. It’s been quite the evening for her.” Taeyong nods and untangles himself from you. You stand up and Johnny’s arm loops through yours.

“Oh! Wait, Y/N. Can I get your number?” He nods at you and smiles. He holds his phone out to you and you put in your number. He smiles at you.

“Call me, Tae.” He hugs you and you realise that you’re still wearing his jacket. As you move to take it off, Taeyong holds out his arms.

“Keep it, it looks better on you anyway.” You blush and say your goodbyes to him. You and Johnny walk back to your flat, a peaceful quiet between you. The sun’s rays cut through the pitch-black night sky with its orange hues, providing you light as you walked home.

“You seemed to be getting quite close with Taeyong there, Y/N.” You look up at Johnny.

“He’s nice. I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to him before.” Johnny chuckles, a half-smile on his face.

“You’d make a great couple.” You whip round to face Johnny, who still has that same shit-eating grin on his face. The fact that Johnny thought that way made your heart flutter. But you remembered your promise to yourself. You had sworn off men for as long as you lived. In your eyes all men were the same- only thinking with the head in their pants as opposed to the one on their shoulders. But even then, you couldn’t help but let your curiosity get the better of you.

“What makes you say that?” You ask. Johnny looks down at you, then turns back to the path in front. He simply gives a shrug and you furrow your brows at him.

“I thought you said you’d sworn off men for the rest of your life,” Johnny says pointedly and you roll your eyes. You avert your gaze to the floor when Johnny looks back at you, an entertained expression evident on his face. As the two of you walk in a peaceful quiet, you find your thoughts being diverted back to Taeyong again. The way that he listened to you and gave you advice when you needed it made your heart warm, and the way he smiled made your knees go weak. The coat he had given you smelled like him, the scent of his cologne imprinted on the jacket was both comforting and intoxicating.

 _Stop!_ You scolded yourself.

“If you’re so desperate to know, Y/N, I thought I should tell you that it’s because both you and him have that ability to command the attention of everyone in a room. I don’t know, Jae and I saw you talking out there and we just thought that. But you’re probably still reeling from what happened with Yoongi, so I wouldn’t blame you if you had sworn off men.”

When you and Johnny got back to your shared flat, you went straight to your bedroom to take off your makeup. As you’re finishing up, your phone buzzes.

**Unsaved Number: Hey, it’s Taeyong. Just checking you got home safe?**

You find the corners of your lips tugging up in a smile at Taeyong’s concern for you, and you unlock your phone to reply to the message.

_To Taeyong: Yep! Johnny and I just got home a little while ago :)_

You lock your phone and look over to the inviting sheets of your bed before you crawl in and welcome the sleep that encompasses you almost as soon as your head hits the pillow.

When you wake up later that day, you check your messages and see that you have an unread message from the cause of your good mood.

**Taeyong: I remember you saying you liked to work in coffee shops. There’s a really nice one not so far from where Jaehyun’s house is, should we have a study date there?**

A feeling of warmth blossoms in your chest as you type out a reply to Taeyong.

_To Taeyong: Text me the address, I’ll be there!_

There was a feeling of lightness in your chest at the fact that Taeyong hadn’t been scared off by what happened with your ex-boyfriend at Jaehyun’s the previous night: and it was something that you were happier about than what you had let on to Johnny. Although, your tall friend couldn’t ignore the fact that you skipped out of your bedroom and waltzed into the bathroom.

Not that he was complaining. He would rather have been distracted from writing his thesis by you humming to yourself than you screaming at the television like what you normally did. He was glad that you were back to your old, cheerful self and that there was a spring in your step rather than the wallowing that he had gotten used to seeing you doing.

Meanwhile, you shut the bathroom door behind you and stepped into the shower. The warmth of the shower relaxed your muscles as it cascaded down your back, washing away the memories of the previous night with the water that came out of it. You dried your hair and checked the weather on your phone, your feelings of happiness heightened when the weather app on your phone displays to you that the temperature was warming up. You skip back out of the bathroom to your bedroom, ignoring Johnny’s giggling at the enthusiastic air that surrounded you, something that he wasn’t used to.

You get dressed into a white t-shirt and a black skirt and sit down in front of the mirror to do your makeup. You decided to keep it simple- you two were studying together, after all, and you had to keep reminding yourself that you had sworn off men.

Although that resolution was incredibly tough to keep to.

You were thankful that your weather app had predicted the weather accurately. The sky was a baby blue colour, not the normal grey of wintry mornings. The sunlight paints your skin warmly, brightening the brick-red and bluish-grey buildings that made up your neighbourhood. The bitter cold of winter had passed, bringing forth the spring. The trees which once stood bare were now embellished with pastel-pink blossoms and the birdsong and the sound of traffic mixed together to form a perfect harmony. You found yourself smiling as you walk down the road to the address that Taeyong said he would meet you in.

You push the door of the coffee shop open, the bell atop the doorframe echoing through the ambient shop. A few customers look up to see the most recent entry into the shop, and the baristas smile professionally in a welcome. You look around the shop to try and find Taeyong and spot him cooped up in a booth in a corner of the shop by the window. You make your way to the servers’ desk and order your drink, waiting patiently for it to arrive. When it does, you carefully take the cup in your hands and turn in the direction of the table Taeyong was sat at.

You feel a smile tug at your lips as you walk over to him. He had his nose buried in a book and in front of him was a mug of black coffee. Just by standing there, watching him, you were reminded of just how effortless and otherworldly his beauty was. In the sunlight, Taeyong’s black hair appeared to have lighter, brown stripes through it and the sun kissed his skin, making him glow.

“Is this seat taken?” You ask. Taeyong starts slightly at your voice, and his eyes light up when he sees you standing in front of him. He was dressed simply, a white t-shirt tucked into black jeans, but he still managed to look absolutely breathtaking. You felt your heart flutter as he smiled at you and gestured to the bench opposite him for you to sit down. As you do so, Taeyong takes the bookmark that previously sat idly on the table and placed it carefully in the page he was reading.

You noticed that everything Taeyong did was so graceful and elegant- from the way he styled his hair to how he picked up his coffee cup and took a sip of the liquid. He runs a hand through his black locks, his toned bicep flexing in the process- it took everything you had and more to not swoon at just how built his muscles were.

“Glad to see you’re doing okay, Y/N.” You give him a smile. He smiles back and the pair of you sit in a comfortable silence for a few moments. You take out your laptop and open the document to work on your essay. After reading through it a couple of times, you begin to edit it and add new content that you had researched.

You couldn’t help but notice that Taeyong would steal glances at you as he read his book. Every so often, he would look up at you, a feeling of warmth spreading through his chest whenever you furrowed your brows when you were wracking your brains for an explanation to a point you had put across in the essay, or whenever your tongue poked out from between your lips when you were editing the document.

After what feels like days, you put the finishing touches on your essay and stretch your arms out to rid yourself of the tension that had formed in your shoulders. Taeyong looks up from his book and smiles at you. You return his smile with one of your own.

“Are you ready to head off?” You nod at him. Taeyong takes both his cup and yours and brings them to the baristas and you watch him as he does so, his good manners not going unnoticed by you. You watch on as he thanks the two women standing behind the counter, both of whom blush when Taeyong smiles at them. They both admire him as he walks away, back towards you, shooting you looks of jealousy as you stand up and put your coat back on. You zip up your bag and follow Taeyong out of the coffee shop, thanking the two baristas as you leave.

“Where are we going, Taeyong?” You ask him and he slows his pace to walk alongside you.

“Anywhere you want. We could go back to mine?” You feel your cheeks heat up and Taeyong realises what he said.

“As friends. I meant as friends.” You find yourself chuckling at his flustered state and agree to go back to Taeyong’s house. The more you talked, the more you found out about him. He was studying Korean and Japanese literature at your university and had what he said was the ‘complete and utter misfortune’ of being Jaehyun’s roommate during his first year. Partying wasn’t really his scene, either, he admitted to you. But he would go along to the dorm parties and the nightclubs with Jaehyun to carry him home when he was too drunk to stand. Regardless, the two of them were inseparable.

He opened the door to his apartment and everything about it screamed Taeyong. It was kept very clean, much unlike Jaehyun’s house and Johnny’s room. The scent of citrus wafted through the air from an aroma diffuser and the bright spring sun shone through the window, illuminating the room with a white glow. Despite the fact it looked sterile, it felt homey. Taeyong had pictures of him and people who you guessed were his high school friends dotted around the apartments, and polaroids of him with Johnny and Jaehyun alongside them. He leads you over to the living room sofa, and you take your coat off and lie it beside you.

You and Taeyong talked for hours on end. You felt like you could talk to him about anything. He didn’t judge you, only listened intently to what you had to say. As the light turned from bright white to a butter-gold, your conversations became more intimate. He confessed to you that he hadn’t dated anyone since the untimely death of his girlfriend four years ago, and the subsequent death of his father. You were taken aback and you felt tears prick at your eyes. He didn’t deserve to go through all of that hardship. Taeyong was one of the sweetest people you had the pleasure of coming across and to hear that he had to endure the pain of losing the two people who were closest to him was heartbreaking. You wanted to be there for him. To be the one to make him laugh, and to be there when he needed an ear to listen.

As time went on and on, you found that your heart started to heal from the wound that Yoongi had left. Part of that was as a result of you cutting both him and the girl he slept with off from you, and part of that was as a result of Taeyong, without whom you would probably be back at square one. The two of you got closer and closer as friends, and despite your promise to yourself, you could feel your heart beginning to yearn for more from him than just friendship.

Falling in love with Lee Taeyong was the easy part, the admission to yourself was what proved to be difficult for you. There were tell-tale signs that made you think that he was so different to everyone else in your mind. He never left your conscience, he was always there. He was what got you through the days. He was there to make you laugh until your sides hurt and there when you needed a shoulder to cry on.

You knew you had to do something about the way that you felt or it would kill you. thankfully, Jaehyun was having a party only a few days after your reconciliation with your feelings for Taeyong, and you knew he would be there. You dressed your best, a black skirt that came down to your mid-thigh and a white crop top. Your makeup was sultry; a dramatic eyeliner wing and plum-coloured lipstick, even Johnny wolf-whistled at you when you walked out of your bedroom to go to the party together.

When you got to the party, your first port of call was the drinks table to get yourself a few shots of vodka. The pounding bass of a Tyga song blasted through Jaehyun’s speakers and you danced along, the alcohol that you had in your system taking its effect. A pair of arms snaked around your waist and you turned to see Taeyong smiling at you. You wrap your arms around his neck and dance along to the song with him, eyes searching yours. Your faces move closer and closer to one anothers’ and his lips brush against yours. He takes you by the hand and leads you up the stairs, to a more quiet part of the house.

“I know I said I don’t want to date, Tae, but I want you.” A blush creeps up his neck. He turns to look at you, evidently surprised at the boldness of your sudden statement and what you had said to him.

“Y/N, are you drunk?” You straighten up and shake your head.

“I promise you, Tae. I’m not. These past few months I’ve tried so hard to deny my feelings for you, but they kept on coming back, each time stronger than before. I want this.”

“Y/N, I don’t want to take advantage of you when you’re like this-”

“And you won’t. Tae… I  _am_  thinking straight, I promise you. I want you.” The silence that hung between you two was thick. Taeyong was at a loss for words, you could tell. The silence spanned what felt like hours.

“Tae?”

All at once, Taeyong’s lips are on yours. Your brain was calling out to your body to push him away, but your body wasn’t responding. He kissed you passionately and it took you a couple of seconds to adjust and kiss him back. It was soft at first, merely a soft peck, and then when he knew you wanted more, he deepened the kiss and cupped your cheeks. Your arms draped themselves round his neck and pulled him in deeper. The sounds in the room were merely those of your lips moving against each others’ and the pounding bass of a Kendrick Lamar song from downstairs.

Taeyong led you over to the bed and gently pushed you down onto it. He placed his hands either side of your head and kissed down your jawline to your neck, sucking harshly on your skin, ensuring the blossoming of several dark purple bruises on your neck the next day. He flipped you over so that you were on top of him and he scooted over to rest his back against the headboard. He pulls the top over your head and kneads the soft flesh of your breasts with one of his hands while the other creeps up the hem of your skirt. He looks up at you, his eyes clouded over with lust and desire. You had to admit, Taeyong did have a lot of power over you, just by looking at you the way he did he made a wetness pool in your panties.

You grinded down on the growing bulge situated between your legs, desperate to create some friction. Your hands fiddled with his belt buckle and undid it. He slid his jeans off and pulled your panties down in one fluid motion. He swiped his fingers across your heat, brushing against them to tease you. your sensitivity meant that you jolted up towards him, making him chuckle darkly.

“You’re beautiful. And so wet for me.” He pushed his finger into you, making your back arch off of the bed. Your breath caught in your throat as he slid his finger in and out of your dripping folds.

“I-Is this okay?” He asks quietly, caringly. You bite down on your lip and nod, a quiet ‘mm-hmm’ escaping your lips. You gasp as he adds a second finger, building up the pace that he slid in and out of you. Your walls convulse involuntarily around his fingers, sending waves of excitation to his hardening member, and the mewls and whimpers that left your lips echoes through the room. He drew his fingers out of you and he went into the bedside drawer to take out a silvery packet.

Your breathing was laboured and you could feel your heartbeat at the apex of your thighs, heightening your sensitivity even further. He discarded his boxers and rolled the condom over his length, before positioning the head of his cock at your entrance.

“T-Tae…” His eyes snapped up to meet yours.

“What’s wrong, baby?” He asks, voice laced with concern. You bite your bottom lip and shake your head, hoisting yourself up, using your elbows to support your weight.

“G-Go slow.” He smiles and nods, before pushing into your dripping pussy. You hissed a little and your face screwed up in pain, and Taeyong immediately stopped.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked, still only partially inside of you. You shake your head again.

“J-Just stay like this for a little, so I can get used to it.” Once the feeling of discomfort subsided, you gave him a nod of affirmation to push further in. His cock moved further and further inside of you until he was completely sheathed inside.

“You’re big.” He chuckles at your comment and stays motionless inside of you, allowing you to adjust to his size.

“Can I start moving baby? I’ll stop if it doesn’t feel good.” You nod at him, the ability to string words together to form a coherent sentence was beyond you at that point. He pulls out slowly and then pushes back into you, very slowly. Your breathing hitched and a long moan left your lips.

“Is it okay?” He asks you. You could feel your walls convulse around him again, coating him in your essence. He leaned forwards and brought his face down to yours.

“Can I speed up a little, baby?” His eyes searched yours for any sign that he should stop, or keep at the pace that he was at. When he found none, his hips began to move faster, his cock dipping in and out of you faster than before. The pain that you previously felt was changed into raw pleasure as you moaned and whimpered. Your hand trailed down your stomach to circle your clit and help your high come a little faster.

“Are you close baby?” He asks you and you nod. Taeyong closes the distance between your lips and his, mouths dancing together in what felt like a choreographed dance. His tongue pressed against your mouth for entrance and your tongue battled against his, twisting together in a fight for dominance. He gave a hard thrust and you called out, making him stop immediately.

“Shit, sorry.” You pulled him back down and he carried on moving inside of you. His cock rubbed against your sensitive spot over and over again, bringing you to your high and rendering you nothing more than a shaking mess. You called out his name as he brought you to your high, your hands gripping fistfuls of his shirt. You felt the ridges of his cock run along your sensitive walls and you felt him throb inside of you as he spilled his seed into the condom before pulling out of you and lying down on the bed next to you. After Taeyong caught his breath, he got up and discarded the condom into the dustbin in the corner of the bedroom.

He then laid down beside you and stroked your hair lovingly. You could feel your chest swell with happiness as you and him laid there together, both of you breathless as you stared into each others’ eyes. You press a kiss to his lips, soft, yet wanton. You get up off of the bed and pull your top back on, along with your panties and shoes. Taeyong does the same with his boxers and jeans.

“I- Wow.” He chuckles and kisses the top of your head. He unlocks the door and the two of you walk out of the room, back downstairs to the party. You felt an ache where Taeyong had previously been, the feeling of emptiness prevalent at the junction of your thighs.

When you both went your separate ways that night, you felt content. More content than you had felt in a long time.

But then things started to change. You didn’t get good morning texts from Taeyong as often anymore. Texts from him asking how your day was became a rarity. Whenever you tried to spark up a conversation, he would either ignore your text or give curt, one-word responses. The feeling that you had done something wrong began to settle in your chest.

Maybe you had. Maybe you had been the one to pressure him into sleeping with you when he didn’t want to. Nevertheless, you didn’t give up on him. You kept sending him messages, but he would still give you a dead response. You wanted nothing more than to figure out what was wrong with him, and what you could do to make things right between you two.

So you made the decision to go and confront him head-on.

You battle against the pouring rain as you make the journey from your apartment to Taeyong’s. His behaviour had been getting odd as of recent, he had been cancelling your plans together, he would only reply to your messages with simple, one-word answers, or not reply at all. The feelings of insecurity kept creeping in.  _It’s because you’re too clingy. He’s probably gotten bored of you._

You tug on the hood of your raincoat to shield your face from the lashes of water that beat down on the ground. You picked up your walking speed, making it to Taeyong’s apartment in less time than what you thought it would take. Your heart stuttered as you made it to the building, and you found yourself having to steady your breathing as you stand alone in the lift. When it dings, you walk out slowly. Your heart was pounding so loudly you could feel the pulsing in your ears. Your hands trembled as you knocked loudly on his door.

You’re not sure how long you were stood by the door. It could have been five seconds, it could have been five minutes. But no amount of time could have prepared you for the sights that were held behind the brown door. Just as you expected, Taeyong opened the door. But what you weren’t expecting was the sight of his exposed chest and the sight of several dark purple hickeys on his neck.

Marks that you knew you didn’t put there.

“Y/N? W-What are you…” You don’t hear the rest of his sentence, the sound of your own heart drowns out his voice. You stare at the marks on his neck and feel your chest tighten. You angrily blink back the tears that form in your eyes and grit your teeth.

 _Don’t you dare cry in front of him,_ you tell yourself.

“Tae, who’s at the door?” You hear footsteps from inside the apartment and push the door open. It swings inward and you feel your heart being ripped out of your chest at the sight before you. stood just mere metres from you was a gorgeous girl who looked like she’d just stepped off of a Victoria’s Secret catwalk. Her long legs were toned and lithe, and she had the figure that you would kill for. She was gorgeous.  _No, no. No, this can’t be happening._ Your eyes well up again, and you clench your fists, the pain of your nails digging into your palms the one thing that was keeping you from crying your eyes out. You look the girl up and down and your heart seizes when you realise what top she’s wearing. It’s the same red top that Taeyong wore on the night of Jaehyun’s party.

The t-shirt he wore on the night you fell hopelessly and desperately in love with him.

“O-Oh. Um… who are you?” The girl asks you. You don’t answer her.

“Babe, go and wait in the bedroom, I’ll be there in a bit.” She looks from you, to Taeyong, then back to you. She looks you up and down, as if sizing you up. When she decided that you probably didn’t offer much threat to her position of being Taeyong’s fuck buddy, she turned on her heel and stalked into the bedroom. The sound of the bedroom door closing echoed through the apartment.

“Y/N-” You slapped him across the face. As hard as you possibly could. So hard that the sound echoed through the room and hung in the air for seconds after. He stumbled back a few paces and clutched his cheek at the point where your hand made contact with his face. You let the tears that you were so desperately trying to hold back fall from your face, and a sob escaped your lips. He looked up at you and the vulnerability in his eyes made your heart shatter into millions of pieces.

“You…” Your voice cracks and you hang your head. Everything you had came crashing down. You feel the anger in your chest bubbling up, only adding fuel to the tears that streamed down your face. You couldn’t bear to look at him. All you could see was that girl. Her hands on him, and her lips on his.

It was a sight you wanted out of your brain. So, you stormed off. Ignoring Taeyong calling your name. you walked out of the apartment block and back to your own apartment. Once you were far enough away from Taeyong’s building, you let the last crumbs of your resolve wash away along with the rain that seemed to lash down harder than when you were walking to Taeyong’s. You clutched at your chest and tried as hard as you could to keep your breathing as steady as you could. You suppressed your emotions as much as you could until you reached the safe confines of your apartment.

You shut the door and slammed your back against it, sliding down before landing on the floor with your legs splayed out in front of you and your hands hugging yourself to try and offer yourself a form of comfort. The sobs that escaped your body were soul-shaking and blood-curdling, and no matter how hard you tried to muffle them by covering your mouth, they were loud enough to echo throughout the whole apartment. You wanted nothing more than to be alone at that point, and you were somewhat thankful that Johnny had taken the later shift at his job.

You didn’t stop crying that whole evening. You had bouts of sobs, some of which made your arms go numb and your chest go tight, pressing a weight down on your chest and that made it feel like someone was gripping your throat and squeezing. There were countless tissues scattered on your bed and on the floor surrounding it, and your eyes were puffy and swollen. Your throat was dry and sore from all the crying and panting you had done and your whole body felt exhausted. You don’t know when it happens, but you find yourself being dragged into the clutches of sleep.

You’re woken up from the dreams you’re having by the doorbell ringing. You sigh deeply and listen to the sound of the rain tapping against the window. You walk over to the door and open it, not expecting to see a soaking wet Taeyong behind it. He was panting as he leaned against the doorframe, his hand supporting himself as he caught his breath. Droplets of water fell from his hair and splattered on the ground, his grey t-shirt was darkened by the water that had soaked into it and he was shivering a little.

But the last thing you wanted was to see him. Because when you saw him you were right back at square one.

“Y/N, I need to explain myself-” a bitter laugh that escapes your lips cuts him off mid-sentence.

“Do you think I’m some kind of toy you can play around with?” Your voice is quiet. Raspy from your bouts of crying. “Do you think I lied to you when I told you that I said I liked you? Did you really hope to hide the fact that you were fucking that girl behind my back?” Taeyong says nothing.

“How long has it been going on for?” You ask him.

“Y/N, I-”

“How fucking long, Taeyong?” You ask him, unable to contain your anger. He hangs his head.

“A few days after we slept together.” You scoff. But on the inside you felt like someone had driven a stake through your heart. Taeyong didn’t even care enough about your feelings to tell you that he wasn’t interested.

“You couldn’t keep it in your fucking pants, could you? you just kept stringing me along as if I was a sheepdog and made me go insane thinking I was the one at fault.”

“I never led you on-”

“Yes you fucking did! You slept with me, for god’s sake. You said you didn’t want to take advantage of me, and we fucked. But then you just left me out to dry? You don’t do that to someone, Tae.”

“Why did you fall for me, then?” His words cut deep.

“What do you mean? You were the only one who was there for me more than anyone else was. You never left my mind, there was always a thought reserved in my brain for you. You healed my heart, Taeyong.” Your voice begins to plead with him, and you could feel more tears welling at your eyes.

“It was stupid of you to fall for me. I don’t love you.” You feel pins and needles move up from your fingertips to your arms and your chest tightens. The same crushing sensation on your chest makes your breathing become shallow and ragged. Taeyong senses there was something wrong and bends down to meet your eyeline, which was directed at the floor.

“Y/N?” He calls out your name, and something in you snaps.

“Get lost.”

“What?”

“Leave me the fuck alone, Taeyong. I never want to see you again.” He clenched his jaw.

“Y/N, you’re having a panic attack, you need to sit down-”

“And you need to get the fuck out of my sight before I call the police.” You can see the hurt in his eyes.

“I’m not leaving you-” You scream, making him jump.

“Go away, Taeyong! You’re not making this any easier.” He stayed rooted to the spot. You slammed the front door closed and slid down onto the floor, the sound of your sobs ricocheting through the room. You cried and cried and cried until you couldn’t cry anymore. Until your breaths steadied. The silence that was left in the apartment was deafening, as you got up, head pounding and limbs heavy, and walked into your bedroom, hoping that the sleep that would encompass you would rid you of the pain you felt.

The sadness that you felt in your chest was overwhelming. You knew it was. It was foolish of you to let your guard down and let Taeyong in. How could you have been so stupid as to think that Taeyong was any different from Yoongi, or from anyone else you’d been stupid enough to harbour feelings for? The feelings of desperation, frustration and anguish swirled in your chest and expanded the hole that was forming in the place that your feelings for Taeyong once resided. You loved him more than you’d loved anyone, and that love you felt was the cause of your downfall. Your mourning for the loss of that love came and went in waves, stealing from you your happiness, your sleep and your appetite.

But this time, Johnny couldn’t console you, neither could any amount of trashy Netflix shows or ice cream. Nothing could. The feeling terrified you- Taeyong was no longer able to fill the hole that was left in your heart, and what moved in instead of him was a black dog. The black dog that consumed all of your energy. It ate away at your confidence and convinced you that it was  _your_ fault that he slept with that girl. That you were the idiot who decided to fall for him. You couldn’t escape Taeyong. Everywhere you looked, you saw him. Even when you slept, all you could see was that image that was burned onto your brain, of Taeyong and that girl, that girl wearing the red top you had seen him in all that time ago.

Some nights, you would wake up sobbing. You would sit up in bed, clutching your chest as it felt like the weight of the world was being pushed down on you, crushing your lungs, leaving you gasping for air. The hot tears that streamed down your face felt like they burned your skin, and your arms felt numb.

You had lost all enjoyment of living your life on that fateful, unfortunate day. You never went out, only to go to your job and come back home. Your once glowing, radiant skin turned dull and dishevelled. Your eyes that were once so full of life were now empty. The smile that used to light up the whole room was nowhere to be seen under the constant frown that was on your face. Your cheeks were hollowed from not eating, and your eye-bags stuck out like sore thumbs as a result of not sleeping. But you didn’t care. You no longer cared about what you looked like. Hell, you didn’t care about anything anymore.

The heartbreak felt cold, like you’d been thrown into a freezing pool. Your grief swirled in your head like a fierce storm and sapped any positive feeling from you. You wanted nothing more than to be able to find the strength in yourself to not show the world just how much this had hurt you. To expose your weaknesses in a parasitic world such as the one you were unfortunate to be placed in would be stupid. But you couldn’t do it. Any happiness and strength that you had was being drained from you and used as food for the black dog that resided on your chest. You wanted to hate Taeyong for breaking your heart, for cutting you so deep, for leaving you alone. But you couldn’t. 

You couldn’t stop loving him, despite what he had done.


End file.
